Everyone hates chickens. There are many many reasons to hate chickens: The interminable chirping, the random and furious fecal dispersing,

Every year, the Wall Street stock exchange cuts down a ginormous tree to make their Christmas tree. They’re desperately trying

The urban umbrella is the result of a competition funded by NYC to redesign the ubiquitous construction scaffolds that fill the urban forests and make neighborhood living a beeeitch. I suppose they were also meant to defend the city’s many pedestrians from the onslaught of fingers bent to resemble a derriere. But in that function, they have failed.

So, we’ve got the menu set for our new hip little Tribeca cafe. Color scheme? Check. Health codes? Up to snuff. But what should we name our contemporary urban luncherie? We want a name that will grab people’s attention but will also let them know we offer a gourmet twist on American comfort food along with an array of healthy, locally sourced fare… Well, what do you think of naming it “Columbine.” Yeah, spelled exactly like the school shooting.

In honor of the global brotherhood that the World Cup represents, I would like to bring all these soccer players of different nationalities, ages, and socioeconomic backgrounds together under one butt. Finally, the dreams of President Woodrow Wilson and Dr. Martin Luther King have come to fruition

New York City truly is the media epicenter of the universe. Take a walk around NYC and you’re bound to run into some media figure in the streets making themselves available to the general public for both ridicule and putting in a photo with a butt.

Here is an old person that CNN hired to be a correspondent. He was at the New York City Seaport covering how everybody has World Cup Fever! Unfortunately he was immune to the feverosa futbol because he’s old and has been in this business for far too long to be covering things like World Cup Fever.

Last night I went to see real live human Teletubbie Eugene Mirman perform at the Prospect Park Bandshell. He was

While some people would say it was a complete wast of time and effort to take a picture of a snail underneath a finger in the shape of a butt and posting it on the internet and then writing about it. I can think of nothing more important

For those of you not familiar with Park Slope, Brooklyn, it’s an experimental commune where parents force their child-rearing responsibilities on the rest of the neighborhood. So, for example, if you’re in a nice restaurant at 9:00 on a Friday night, parents will allow their six-year-old to run all over the place without regard to the other diners and then when the kid complains about being hungry the parents will actually encourage said child to flag down the waitress to demand the food come quicker.

It’s a crazy place

Fox News! If you made the effort to send a truck to cover a story firsthand rather than simply giving some talking head the opportunity to defend easily-angered retirees from the threat of elitism and Christmas Grinches, something big must be going down…